Children Safety Archives - Heiman Law Firm

Keeping Children Safe

Jun 22, 2023 | Child Custody, Child Protective Services, Family Violence

Deciding to divorce is a big decision. Once it has been made, proper preparation is, like with so many things in life, a key to making the outcome more likely to be positive for you and your family. And, yet, because it can be such an emotional decision, many people do not develop a plan for successfully moving through the process. This piece is designed to guide you in developing that plan.

Initially, it is important to go through this process before beginning the divorce. That is when issues can be pondered without having the pressure of a pending divorce affecting your decision-making

Step 1 Who will be your allies during this process? Divorce can be emotionally-taxing. One or both spouses may make emotional decisions that create chaos, confusion, or worse. It is easier to get through those times with allies—family members and friends who can provide support. It is also important to have people who you can talk to regularly; esp. if other family members and friends decide to not be there for you at this time. Having the support of allies help you to better weather the storms of your case.

Step 2 Do you understand the property matters? Do you have, or can you get, documentation (hard copy and/or virtual) pertaining to all debts and assets of the family? Car titles, mortgage statements, retirement and brokerage account statements, bank or credit union statements, loan applications, credit card bills, health and life insurance policies, and tax returns are all important to have. Do you know where to obtain any of those documents which you do not already have? Is there anyone who can assist you with this process? Be sure to store electronic versions of those documents in the cloud (such as via OneDrive, Dropbox, Google Drive, or Box), so that you can access them from anywhere that you have an internet connection

Step 3 Who provides services to the home? You should either know, or learn, the identity of the gas company, the electricity provider, and the cable or satellite provider, for the home. Are there other service providers that your family uses, such as for landscaping, lawn maintenance, or babysitting? Do you know how all of those bills are customarily paid? What about the water/trash bill for your home? Do you either have access to that information, or can you get it? In a similar vein do you know all about your family’s health insurance, toll tag, phone, and other accounts? Can you compile all of this information in a document that you can access online?

Step 4 How will you meet financial obligations during the divorce? In addition to your living expenses, there will be additional charges related just to the divorce process, itself. So, securing a means to pay those expenses allows one to continue the case, rather than perhaps being forced to settle on less-than-favorable terms because you’ve run-out of money. The court may award certain bills, support, or alimony during the case. But, that is uncertain until it happens. Funding is sometimes available by taking a loan against a retirement account; selling some securities in a brokerage account; securing one or more credit cards in your own name, and unknown to your spouse, ideally; or opening-up a line of credit with a financial institution. Also, do you have a relative who will loan you money, or who will allow you to use his or her credit card? Is there home equity available to borrow? Even if the house is owned by both of you, the court may allow that home equity to be used to pay the expenses of the case.

These are the first few considerations. We will address more of them with the next post, so check back for more useful info!

Keeping Our Kids Safe Online

Jun 20, 2023 | Family Law

As we become more of an electronically-connected society (and, when is that increase ever going to end?) potential dangers to our children, via the internet, are enhanced. Our children spend more and more time online, for activities such as their schooling, gaming, socializing, and other group meetings. In fact, according to the FBI, “(t)he internet, for all of its benefits, also gives criminals and predators an easy way to reach young people.”[1]

The FBI most often sees crimes against children begin when an adult:

Forges a relationship with a young victim online and then later arranges to meet and abuse the child; or,
Coerces a child into producing sexually explicit images or videos through manipulation, gifts, or threats—a crime called sextortion.” [2]

The FBI suggests that “(t)he most important advice for parents is to have open and ongoing conversations about safe and appropriate online behavior.”[3] Other advice to consider:

Educate yourself about the websites, software, games, and apps that your child uses.
Check their social media and gaming profiles and posts. Have conversations about what is appropriate to say or share.
Explain to your kids that once images or comments are posted online they can be shared with anyone and never truly disappear.
Make sure your kids use privacy settings to restrict access to their online profiles.
Tell your children to be extremely wary when communicating with anyone online whom they do not know in real life.
Encourage kids to choose appropriate screen names and to create strong passwords.
Make it a rule with your kids that they can’t arrange to meet up with someone they met online without your knowledge and supervision.
Stress to your children that making any kind of a threat online—even if they think it’s a joke—is a crime.
Report any inappropriate contact between an adult and your child to law enforcement immediately. Notify the site they were using, too.” [4]

Overall crime has dropped in the USA, over the last few decades.[5] This trend, however, does not speak to the new and increasing ways that our children find themselves to be vulnerable. My parents shooed us out-of-the-house, to play all day. Since this was way before the existence of cell phones and locator devices, they had absolutely no idea where we were at any given period of time when we were out of their sight. And, yet, we felt safe, because we were exposed to only our neighbors and local town or city folk.

Today we have a more mobile society, so many of us do not know our neighbors. That fact keeps us from being able to trust their motives and intentions. And so, we often feel the need to be more vigilant regarding our kids, their whereabouts, activities, and safety.

Sometimes, despite that vigilance, parents feel like they need more protection, such as a court order, when a specific threat of harm materializes, through another’s words and/or actions. Thankfully, there are legal remedies available to protect our family members, including our children, from those dangers. Contacting a Family Lawyer, to discuss those legal remedies, is often the first step in obtaining peace of mind.

[1] https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/protecting-your-kids

[2] Id.

[3] Id.

[4] Id.

[5] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_drop#:~:text=In%20the%20United%20States%2C%20for,the%20early%201990s%20to%202010.;

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/04/what-caused-the-crime-decline/477408/

How to Easily Lose Your Child Custody Case and How to Avoid It

Nov 23, 2021 | Child Custody, Family Law

Child custody cases are some of the most serious types of cases heard by our courts. And yet, many people shoot themselves in the foot with their own, silly behavior during their cases. They do this despite having paid thousands of dollars for lawyers, psychologists, mediators, and other professionals involved in these cases. And, they do it even though it works against what they are trying to accomplish by spending numerous hours working on their cases with the various professionals involved with their case. Let’s see some common ways that they do this.

Social media. Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Tumblr are great ways to communicate with supportive people, and to present ourselves in our best light. Well, except for when we post pictures of ourselves misbehaving, or behaving irresponsibly, with our friends and coworkers. Think about that tag of you having fun at that special party or Happy Hour. Would you want that image to represent you a trial? If not, then don’t post it.

Also, if you are involved in a divorce, or contested child custody case, you should think twice about the urge to comment on your case; or, on the fitness of your child’s other parent. And it also doesn’t help your case to have a new romantic interest being interjected into your case by appearing prominently within your Facebook feed. At the very least, that opens up a new area of inquiry for others who are involved in your case. And, anything negative that is discovered about that new lover will be transferred to your character.

Keeping Information from your lawyer. Should I really have to explain why this is a bad idea? Your lawyer will try to present you, and your case, in the light most favorable to your case. It is difficult to do that, when your lawyer doesn’t have all of the facts, positive and negative. Your lawyer need to know all significant information about you during your litigation. That means from the beginning of the case, until that last Order is entered by the Court. With the positive information in hand, your lawyer can highlight it. And, as for the negative explanation, it can be considered and minimized before trial. Your lawyer cannot consider it, ask you about it, and counter it, if it is sprung at trial as a surprise. That puts your case at a disadvantage to where it would otherwise, likely, be.

Involving children in your parental relationship. Over the twenty-five (25) years that I have been practicing law in Texas, I have had the opportunity to represent lots of folks involved in contested Family law cases. While I truly believe that very few of them intend to harm their children, many are oblivious to the damage that they inadvertently do to these young people. Making negative remarks to a child, about that child’s other parent or family members is a behavior that is very hurtful to your child’s emotional well-being. And, it is unnecessary. You can establish your relationship with your child, and make that relationship just as strong as you want it to be, without disparaging your child’s other parent.

Making disparaging remarks about the other parent. Making detrimental remarks to a child, about that child’s other parent, is child abuse. It doesn’t matter if you truly believe or know that what you are saying is factual and accurate. It just doesn’t. It is still child abuse, because it harms your child emotionally, in ways that are all too similar to the emotional effects of physical abuse. That intentional infliction of harm is what is abusive.

Failing to shelter kids from hurtful information. The issue of truth is irrelevant to whether your children are harmed by hearing remarks that are negative about their parent. Hearing you make those remarks makes them think badly of the other parent; or to think badly about you for saying such things about the other parent; or both. This is true even if the child asks, even insists, upon knowing the facts of your case. And, this is true even if you believe that “my kids have the right to know what is happening, and why it is happening.”

You have the right to eat as many hamburgers as you like. Still, you might want to question whether eating a dozen of them a day is a healthy idea. Parents should act in ways that are healthy for their children, even if that means sheltering them from things that are harmful to them; like negative talk about their other parent.

Effects on Children. The mental health workers involved in child litigation are absolutely clear about the damage that such disparaging comments have on children. Children who are in the middle of ongoing parental conflict exhibit psychological symptoms similar to those who have been physically abused. Don’t make a negative comment about your child’s other parent (nor that other parent’s family) within the presence or awareness of your child. If you do so, then you might as well punch that child in the mouth. They are both wrong, hurtful, and child abuse.

Legal effects of involving children in parental conflict. As a practical matter, involving your child in parental conflict can cause Child Protective Services (CPS) to investigate you for emotional abuse of your child. They might even remove your child from you, and seek a court order requiring you to be psychologically evaluated, drug tested, and participating in counseling, in order for you to be able to have any contact with your kids. And, even if CPS does not get involved, your making such remarks to your kid (even if they are true) may very well lead a court to limit your rights to have contact with your kids, just like if your abuse was physical, rather than emotional. I have seen that happen. Courts do not tolerate involving children in parental conflicts. Please don’t do it.

Using your children as Messenger Pigeons. We just discussed how children should not be involved in your relationship with their other parent. Sending messages through your children is another way to involve them in the case in an unhealthy way. Your children should not feel like they are responsible in any way for your current relationship with their other parent. They should, instead, feel free to love and to enjoy being with both parents.

Interrogating your children. For some reason, there are parents who feel like it is ok to use their children as spies on the other parent. Parents who question their kids about what happens at the other parent’s house, or what the other parent is doing, are adding stress to their children’s lives, and are preventing their children from being able to just be kids, rather than be involved in parental conflict. Children should be able to focus on “kid issues,” such as their schools, extra-curricular activities, and who they think is cute, not why Mom and dad can’t talk to one another civilly, nor whether either of their parents is a bad person.

Failing to cooperate with your child’s other parent. A related concept to involving kids in ongoing parental conflict is causing them stress by one parent’s being unwilling to cooperate with reasonable requests made by the other parent. If you can switch weekends with the other parent, and that request is made by you, please be open to doing that. This kind of cooperation reduces the stress that a child feels, and also allows your child to experience things with the other parent that he or she might, otherwise, have to miss. You don’t want the court to think that you can’t or won’t co-parent your child. If the court makes that determination, then its orders will be more restrictive of you.

Role modeling poor behavior for your children. All of the items mentioned so far qualify as “poor parenting behavior.” If your child is exposed to them, then he or she may learn to believe that such behaviors are normal or healthy, when (of course) they are neither. But, parents sometimes exhibit other poor behavior to their children, such as drinking too much, drinking and driving, or abusing drugs. It should go without saying that doing any of those things in the presence or awareness of your child, is a quick way to lose your parental rights.

Inappropriately involving your lover in the child’s life. When one romantic relationship ends, it is normal and natural for us to be open to establishing a new love interest. The courts know this, but this must be done in a way that is healthy for your children. For example, if you introduce your child too soon to your love interest, then if that relationship ends, your child will experience the loss of another person in his or her life. And, if that happens on several occasions, then your child will also see that your relationships are uncommitted and short-term. The lesson that you would be teaching your child is that romantic relationships are supposed to be temporary. That is hardly a good attitude for your child to take into his or her own marriage, or even, other serious relationships. It is a way to set your child up to fail.

Failing to follow court orders. Many Family Courts today have so-called “Standing Orders” which go into effect upon the filing of a case involving a child. These orders typically prohibit certain behaviors and are enforceable by jail time, if violated. During the case, your court may also enter other orders. Failing to comply with any court order is a good way to have the court limit your parental rights not to mention sanction you, fine you, or put you in jail. Also, most attorneys will withdraw from representing you because of that blatant disregard for the authority of the court.

Conclusion. Those items mentioned in this piece are but a few of the more common ways that parents mess-up their child custody cases. Of course, there are others. What these mistakes all amount to an unwillingness or inability to act as a responsible parent. When emotions are running high, such as during the litigation of one of these types of cases, we may have a natural tendency to be carried away by that strong emotion. Your demonstrated ability to resist that temptation and to behave in a manner that is healthy for your kids, should favorably impress the court. That is a great way to get started winning your child custody case!

What are Parents’ Options Regarding School Re-Openings

Jul 15, 2020 | Child Custody

As the normal school year rapidly approaches us (as of this writing), many parents are rightly concerned about how to safely, and yet effectively, allow their children to resume their education. According to a recent University of Texas poll^[1], a full 65% of Texas parents believe that it would not be safe to return their children to school now. And, that same poll, found that Texans are less approving of all levels of government and state and national leadership as the pandemic worsens in the state. Id. So, while the U.S. Center for Disease Control (CDC) directed on July 24, 2020^[2] that “communities should make every effort to support the reopening of schools safely for in person learning in the fall”^[3], many Texans have discussed, often on social media, alternatives that they hope will be safer than a normal reopening. Among the most-discussed of those ideas are traditional home schooling (which may be available to those families who have the luxury of a parent remaining home, full-time, to instruct their children), to hiring tutors for one or more families (often called “learning pods”). For other parents, it seems more important to have their children attend their schools virtually, so that they might retain social connection with their classmates, friends, and familiar school officials.

Some parents are making arrangements to either work remotely, and thereby, be available for their children, as they learn at home; or, take their children with them, to wherever they will be working^[4]. Others are considering hiring a nanny or college student to monitor the children, while those kids attend school virtually. In either case, the goal is to limit children’s exposure to others, while still having them learn.

Since the 2020-2021 School Year has not yet begun (again, as of the time of this writing), it is likely that some of these approaches will be deemed more, or less, effective than others. And, as that occurs, some approaches will be either dropped or modified, in an attempt to make them better. Additionally, new approaches will probably be developed.

For those children who will be returning to their schools this Fall, the CDC suggests that exposure be limited to a select group of people for each student. This procedure is called “cohorting.” In describing this procedure, the CDC tells us that “Cohorting forms groups of students, and sometimes teachers or staff, that stay together throughout the school day to minimize exposure for students, teachers, and staff across the school environment. Ideally, students and staff within a cohort would only have physical proximity with others in the same cohort. This practice may help prevent the spread of SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes COVID-19, by limiting cross-over of students, teachers, and staff to the extent possible…^[5]” This procedure should be available for children who either attend school full-time (on a traditional basis), or part-time, through a “hybrid” model, in which kids attend their schools on certain days, as remote learn on others.

School Year 2020-2021 will, in all likelihood, be memorable for both parents and children, because of its uniqueness. The challenging nature of this school year is instigating the creativity of parents and school officials, as we all try to ensure that our children can learn, socialize and play, in a safe and effective manner. This topic may be one that we return to further discuss as events develop.

1 https://texaspolitics.utexas.edu/set/it-safe-or-unsafe-send-your-child-school-june-2020#overall

2 https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/schools-childcare/reopening-schools-faqs.html.

3 Judging by its statements about children returning to school, by in July, 2020, the CDC seemed to be significantly less concerned about the health threats posed by that return than they were in March, 2020.
Download PDF here https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/schools-childcare/Schools-Decision-Tree.pdf

4 Obviously, this arrangement works better for parents who work in an office setting, rather than in a factory, construction site, oil field or ranch.

5 https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/schools-childcare/reopening-schools-faqs.html

Parenting With a High Conflict Co-Parent

Feb 22, 2020 | Child Custody, Family Law

We have previously written about parenting with a high conflict ex, (parts 1-4). Those articles can be found here. In one of those articles, we discussed when a Parenting Facilitator or Parenting Coordinator can be appointed, and the process of obtaining parenting facilitation. In this article, we will discuss the work of the Parenting Facilitator (PF) or Parenting Coordinator (PC), and the necessary qualifications of these professionals. The difference between the PC and PF is whether the proceedings are confidential. For our purposes today, we will refer to both processes as “Parenting Facilitation” done by a “Parenting Facilitator” or “PF.”

The court must specify the duties of the PF, which may include some or all of these areas:

(1) identifying disputed parenting issues;

(2) reducing misunderstandings;

(3) clarifying priorities & goal setting

(4) exploring possibilities for problem “solving,” rather than “blame” for problems;

(5) developing methods of collaboration in parenting;

(6) understanding parenting plans and reaching agreements about parenting issues to be included in a parenting plan;

(7) complying with the court’s orders regarding conservatorship or possession of and access to the child;

(8) implementing parenting plans for the benefit of the child or children;

(9) obtaining training regarding problem solving, conflict management, and parenting skills; and

(10) settling disputes regarding parenting issues, and reaching a proposed joint resolution or statement of intent regarding those disputes.

In a nod to pragmatism over formality, meetings between the Parenting Facilitator and the parties may be informal, and are not required to follow any specific procedures not otherwise required by law.

Importantly, the appointment of a Parenting Facilitator does not divest the court of its exclusive jurisdiction to determine issues of conservatorship, support, and possession of and access to the child; nor, the authority of the court to exercise management and control of the suit. And, the PF may not modify any order, judgment, or decree. The Parenting Facilitator must comply with the Ethical Guidelines for Mediators as adopted by the Supreme Court of Texas.

The Qualifications of the Parenting Facilitator

Your court will determine the required qualifications of the PF, provided that s/he must have experience working in a field relating to families, have practical experience with high-conflict cases or litigation between parents, and; hold at least either:

a bachelor’s degree in counseling, education, family studies, psychology, or social work; or a graduate degree in a mental health profession, with an emphasis in family and children’s issues;

or

be licensed in good standing as an attorney in this state.

Additionally, s/he must complete at least:

(1) eight hours of family violence dynamics training provided by a family violence service provider;

(2) 40 classroom hours of training in dispute resolution techniques (such as mediation) in a course conducted by an alternative dispute resolution system or other dispute resolution organization approved by the court; and

(3) 24 classroom hours of training in the fields of family dynamics, child development, family law and the law governing parenting coordination, and parenting coordination styles and procedures.

In appropriate circumstances, a court may, with the agreement of the parties, appoint a person as parenting coordinator who does not meet all of those requirements, if the court finds that the person has sufficient legal or other professional training or experience in dispute resolution processes to serve in the capacity of Parenting Facilitator.

Successful Co-Parenting can be difficult. It takes work, and a willingness to explore different ways of working with your ex. But, your child will benefit from having successful co-parents. That is why we make the efforts, even when they are initially awkward or uncomfortable. A good Parenting Facilitator can guide you through that process.

Can CPS Remove Your Child from YOU Because of What The Other Parent Has Done?

Jul 22, 2019 | Child Protective Services, Family Law, Family Violence

Child Protection Services (CPS) exists, and is often needed, to protect children from abuse or neglect. When it is not safe for a child to live with a parent, then we, as a society, need to have the ability to protect those children, by removing them from their homes, and placing them somewhere safe. That is our law. When only parent is the problem, however, the application of that law to the innocent parent can be unfair.

As background to the problem, Texas law provides that when CPS removes a child from a parent, either with or without a court order , the child’s parents are entitled to appear before the court to contest that removal (usually within 14 days of the removal). This proceeding is called an “Adversary Hearing.” If, after the Adversary hearing is conducted, the court upholds the removal of the child, then that court will typically order the parents to participate in, and complete, certain specific services related to the reason that the child was removed; like counseling, drug and alcohol assessments, psychological evaluations, random drug testing, parenting classes, and so on.

A problem can arise when the court upholds the removal of the child, but only one parent is responsible for that removal. Texas law allows the court to order both parents, including the “non-offending”(innocent) parent to complete services, like those discussed above. In my experience, that is what usually happens after an Adversary Hearing. Importantly, if either parent fails to complete those services, then the court could terminate that parent’s parental rights, even if that parent is innocent and was not at all responsible for the child’s unsafe environment. So, if, for example, Mom is using drugs with her boyfriend in the home with the children, and CPS receives a report about that circumstance, CPS can remove the children from Mom’s home; the court can uphold that removal, and order both Mom and Dad (who was not using drugs) to complete a list of services. If Dad is unable to work his schedule so that he can spend four (4) hours with a psychologist being evaluated; attend counseling, submit to random drug tests, and so on, then the court could terminate his rights to his kids; even though he is a non-offending (innocent) parent.

Because of this problem, there was a bill proposed in the Texas house of Representatives, during 2019: the Child Trauma Prevention Act (House Bill 3331), which would have addressed this situation. Unfortunately, that bill did not become law. Consequently, the problem described in this article still exists, as of the time of this writing. Anyone interested in working to address this situation should contact” their representatives in the Texas House of Representatives, and Texas Senate; the Texas Home School Coalition Association; or, the Texas Public Policy Foundation (TPPF).

¹ In an emergency situation, CPS can remove children from an unsafe place before presenting evidence to a court to obtain an Order authorizing the removal. Otherwise, a court order is required prior to removal.
² By finding that “there was a danger to the physical health or safety of the child…which was caused by an act or failure to act of the person entitled to possession and for the child to remain in the home is contrary to the welfare of the child” TFC 262.201 (g) (1); also, that “the urgent need for protection required the immediate removal of the child and reasonable efforts , consistent with the circumstances and providing for the safety of the child, were made to eliminate or prevent the child’s removal; and” TFC 262.201 (g) (2) “reasonable efforts have been made to enable the child to return home, but there is a substantial risk of a continuing danger if the child is returned home.” TFC 262.201 (g) (3).
³ The bill passed the House committee with no witnesses testifying against it. However, the bill died in the House Calendars Committee because an unknown member of the committee stalled the bill until it died on a deadline.

Parenting A Child With A High Conflict Ex (Part 3)

Oct 23, 2018 | Child Custody, Divorce, Family Law

When a romantic relationship ends, whether by divorce or otherwise, parents often find that their residual emotions spill over into their dealings with one another as they try to work together to parent their children. This can, obviously, pose difficulties in a shared child custody arrangement. We have previously discussed techniques which you can use to mitigate conflict when attempting to co-parent with someone who cannot, or will not, treat you politely and with respect. A review of those articles (Part 1 and Part 2 of this series) will give context to the information which we are discussing today.

One of the recommended techniques to resolve this conflict is putting in place (ahead of time) a method for resolving parenting disagreements outside of court. That way, disagreements can be resolved relatively quickly, easily, and inexpensively. To be successful, that method must consider, and be respectful of, each parent’s, thoughts, views, and wishes about the decision to be made. It can, then, be supported by the court, if challenged by a disgruntled parent who thinks that he or she should be able to unilaterally make decisions about the child or children.

Examples of decisions which parents might disagree about are educational decisions, such as whether to “hold a child back” in a particular grade for a school year; whether to enroll the child in Advanced classes; which electives a child will take; or, whether to have your child “skip” a grade. Other examples are medical decisions, such as whether to have a child start taking medication, say for ADHD or clinical depression; or to start counseling, or undergo surgery or other medical treatment.

One effective dispute resolution method involves writing into the court order a “tie-breaking” procedure, whereby the parents would present their disagreement to someone whom they have previously agreed is a logical person to weigh-in on the matter at hand. The parents might agree, for example, that if they cannot agree on one or more educational decisions for their child, they will allow the child’s school Principal to cast the tie-breaking vote on the decision, after conferring with the child’s teacher, counselor, nurse, or other personnel relevant to that decision.

Similarly, for medical decisions, the parents might agree in advance, or the judge may order, that the child’s Primary Care Physician will cast the tie-breaking vote regarding these decisions. The doctor would first consult with the child, each parent, and any other relevant healthcare professional (such as a medical specialist), prior to making the decision.

Those professional people casting the tie-breaking votes presumably have the child’s best interests at heart. And, they can look at these decisions through their professional education, training, and experiences, without having to wade through the emotional baggage between the parents. Ideally, this process results in a high likelihood that a reasonable decision will be made for your child.

We have been using these types of tie-breaking procedures for our clients since the 1990’s. Over those many years, we have found that these types of tools often keep high- conflict parents from getting “stuck” when trying to make those important decisions for their child which will, inevitably, arise from time-to-time; and, doing so, without our clients having to rehire us to go back to court over the decision.

When a disagreement on a parenting decision occurs, having a process in place which allows a dispassionate professional person to assist in the decision-making, allows stability for the child to occur.

We appreciate your attention to this article,and would welcome any questions or comments about it which you may wish to send to us from this website. That is all for now. Plan for potential problems with co-parenting, so that you can keep doing what is the very best for your kids!

Parenting A Child With A High Conflict Ex (Part 2)

Aug 20, 2018 | Child Custody, Family Law

As mentioned in this prior article, reducing the contact and communication between parents who highly-conflict with one another is usually beneficial for a child or children, everything else being equal. One of the effects of these reductions, however, is that “regular” co-parenting will not work. These parents will, instead, “Parallel Parent” their child or children.

According to Edward Kruk, Ph.D., “Parallel parenting is an arrangement in which divorced parents are able to co-parent by means of disengaging from each other, and having limited direct contact, in situations where one or both may have demonstrated that they are unable to communicate with each other in a respectful manner.” What this means is that these parents will not seek input from one another on parenting issues, in order to make consistent rules and policies for the child. Instead, each will parent as he or she sees fit during their respective periods of possession of the child. So, the rules and expectations for children when they are with Mom, will likely be different from those when they are with Dad.

The goal of this arrangement is to protect the children from being in the middle of ongoing disagreements and hostilities, while preserving their relationships with both parents. Conflict is reduced. And, the child is able to benefit from, and enjoy, respectful relationships with each parent.

On some matters, such as educational and medical decisions, the input of both parents is ideal, even when they are Parallel Parenting. The communications related to those decisions are usually made in writing, and exchanged by approved means, such as via Our Family Wizard. The discussions should remain factual and on topic; with neither parent attacking the other one, nor questioning the motives or decision-making abilities of the other parent.

From my experience, however, when the high-conflict includes some degree of attempted Parental Alienation, or on-going Family Violence, parents are typically unable to make even these important decisions for their children in a respectful manner. In those cases, it is better if either one (1) parent is assigned to each of the decisions to be made (it may be the same parent for all decisions, or they may be split between the parents, in some manner); or, a tie-breaking system (which I intend to discuss in more depth in a later blog post) is implemented. In cases where one (1) parent makes decisions, after those decisions are made, the parent who made the decision will be ordered to timely notify the other parent of the decision, within a specified time frame.

Parents who use Parallel Parenting rarely need to ever see one another outside of their children’s school or extracurricular activities. Exchanges are typically done by dropping-off the child at school (or daycare), when in session; and, at some other public place, without speaking to one another, when not in session. When one parent drops-off a child at school or daycare in the morning, and the other picks-up that child in the afternoon or evening, these parents don’t have to even encounter one another. And, when exchanges are done in silence, at a public place, their contact with one another is intentionally brief. With other people around, the likelihood of conflict occurring between the parents is significantly reduced.

As the divorce or other separation of the parents from one another becomes less recent, many parents find that they are able to interact respectfully with one another. And so, in those instances, the strict procedures for interactions and communications with one another become less necessary. But, for some parents, the intensity of the conflict remains; as if, one or both of these parents has decided to make fighting with the other parent, a theme of their remaining years on this planet (This seems to often be the case with narcissists, psychopaths, Machiavellians, and sadists—the so-called “Dark Triad.”) With these parents, the Parallel Parenting can continue until the children are adults.

Children deserve to be loved, protected, and nurtured. They, also, deserve to have quality relationships with both of their parents, so long as each parent can move beyond any emotion lingering from the divorce or other break-up, and can parent in a manner that is in the best interest of their child(ren). For some adults, Parallel Parenting provides a reasonable choice to allow those things to happen.

Dealing with a High-Conflict Ex (Step 1)

Jun 14, 2018 | Child Custody, Family Law

It is well established that healthy parents provide stability to their families. As children grow, learn, and work to figure-out how to be and thrive in this world, they derive security from parental love, support and protection. That security allows them to develop as they should. And, even if their parents do not live together, children tend to thrive if they feel that both parents are still there for them.

On the other hand, we know from numerous studies that Parental Conflict can be a source of continual pain for our children — whether the parents are married or divorced. According to Larry M. Friedberg, Ph.D., “enduring conflict between divorcing parents is one the most significant risk factors for children of divorce.” And, such conflict, which may include one or more incidences of domestic violence, is considerably more likely to occur at or near the time of divorce.

As you might expect, in most of those cases, the conflict significantly declines during the 1 to 3 years immediately after divorce or separation. But, according to Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D., in a surprisingly large percentage of those case (10-25%), conflict remains elevated even after 3 years have lapsed since the divorce or separation occurred. The kids in those families are the ones at greater risk. The first step in working effectively with them is the topic of this writing. Other steps will be discussed in later posts.

It used to be thought that shared parenting was harmful to children when there was on-going high-conflict between the children’s parents. The yelling, name-calling, and unfriendly behaviors between the parents traumatize the children, to a greater or lesser extent, each time that they are experienced. Edward Kruk, Ph.D. notes, however, that recent observations of high-conflict families reveals that reducing the contacts that each parent has with the other one reduces negative effects experienced by their children. And, with that negativity reduced, children often benefit from shared parenting.

Accordingly, parental contact with children should not be reduced simply because there exists high-conflict between those children’s parents. In fact, everything else being equal, such contact is usually beneficial to children. Rather, the contact between the parents should be reduced and/or regulated. One example of this is having exchanges of the child occur at the child’s school, daycare facility, or other neutral, public place. Another one is having the court Order that all communications between the parents (except in the case of an emergency) occur only via court-ordered means, such as via Our Family Wizard—a program which allows the court to easily review those communications, if requested by a parent to do so).

Importantly, those ideas do not apply where there is more than merely high-conflict occurring, such as where there is violence (used or threatened against a parent), or when Parental Alienation is occurring. Both of those occurrences are treated as child abuse. In those cases, other measures are typically called for. I have written on Parental Alienation and Legal Protections Available for Family Violence. Neither of those should be dismissed nor minimized, since each of them can have devastating impacts on children, as well as the victimized parents.

Children need to have relationships with two healthy parents. Barring that, they, at least, need to be protected from unhealthy interactions between their parents.

In our next post, we will discuss other beneficial steps to take when dealing with a high-conflict parent.

Legal Protections Available for Family Violence

Nov 23, 2017 | Family Law, Child Custody, Child Protective Services, Family Violence, Protective Orders

Last month, we started this conversation by discussing the Court Orders that are immediately available to victims of Family Violence; some, even before the Protective Order case has been filed. Those orders are designed to offer legal protection to victims right away, before there is time for proper notice and a hearing to occur. This is, obviously, very important, so all of that information is available here. With those immediate protections in place, we can now look to what happens next.

Starting the Protective Order Case

The case is initiated by the filing of an Application for Protective Order (by or for “the applicant’). Upon that filing, a Temporary Ex Parte Protective Order can be requested to offer immediate protection to the applicant; and, the Court is required to schedule an evidentiary hearing. In most Texas counties, that hearing must be set to occur within fourteen (14) days of the filing of the Application for Protective Order. In very large, or very rural counties, however, that hearing can be scheduled to occur as many as twenty (20) days after the Application is filed. Importantly, if obtained, the Temporary Ex Parte Protective Order should be in effect up to the date of the hearing.

The Protective Order Hearing

The Protective Order hearing is a trial. As such, the parties, and any other witnesses, can be called to provide testimony. That testimony will be about the allegations made within the Application for Protective Order filed by the applicant. Importantly, any witness called to testify at the hearing may be cross-examined by any other party to the case. And, usually, the witnesses will not be allowed to hear the testimony of the other witnesses, nor to discuss testimony with other witnesses, so that their respective testimonies will not be influenced by what they would hear other witnesses testify to at the hearing (at least, that will be the case if your lawyer makes a proper request to the court for sequestration of the witnesses).

Other Evidence Considered by the Court

In addition to witness testimony, relevant photographs, recordings, documents (such as medical, or police, reports), and other relevant evidence can be introduced as evidence (caution: each of these types of demonstrative evidence requires sufficient evidentiary predicate in order to be admissible over the objection of another party to the case, so it will be necessary to coordinate those foundations with your lawyer ahead of time). In addition to the evidence introduced by the parties, the Presiding Judge may ask questions to clarify what happened between the parties to the case.

The Court’s Judgment

After all of the evidence and argument has been presented, and any questions posed by the Judge have ben answered, the court will make findings about: the nature of the relationship that exists between the parties to the case; whether the Respondent committed “Family Violence;” and, if Family Violence did occur, is it likely to occur in the future? Based on all of those findings, the court will either grant the requested Protective Order, or deny the request for that Order.

Conclusion

Family Violence is a serious matter, and our courts treat allegations of Family Violence quite seriously. Whether you are a victim of such violence, or one who stands accused of committing Family Violence, it is important that you take the case seriously, since its outcome will have serious effects.

Divorce

When Family Violence occurs in a marriage, divorce often follows, or is threatened. If you feel that may be the case with you, then you should learn how to get prepared for a divorce case.

Legal Protections for Family Violence (Part 1)

Oct 23, 2017 | Family Law, Child Custody, Child Protective Services, Family Violence, Protective Orders

Sadly, Family Violence occurs far too often in Texas (as well as worldwide). According to the Texas Council on Family Violence, 158 women were killed by a male intimate partner in 2015; and, shockingly, 1 in 3 Texans will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes. If you are one of these victims, then please contact a helping organization such as Denton County Friends of the Family or the Department of Texas Health and Human Services’ Family Violence Program for 24-hour help, including emergency shelter services.

Temporary Emergency (Magistrate’s) Order

The purpose of the magistrate’s order is to prevent the defendant from inflicting further harm on the victim after an arrested person is released from confinement, but before a higher court has considered an application for a Protective Order. Under Texas law, a Magistrate can issue one of these emergency orders after a perpetrator has been arrested for certain crimes involving Family Violence, stalking, or sexual assault. The order can issue on the magistrate’s own motion or upon the request of the: • victim; • victim’s guardian; • a peace officer; or • the state’s attorney. If issued by the Magistrate, the order will last from 31-61 days, unless a weapon was used, in which case it can be in effect for 91 days. While those periods of time are short, they should be long enough to allow the victim to seek a longer-lasting Protective Order from a higher court.

These emergency Protective Orders have some advantages over the other available Protective Orders: for instance, a hearing is not required before this emergency order can issue; it does not require the defendant and the victim to have any specific kind of relationship with one another (and so, can be issued to protect the victim from a stranger); and, it is issued before the defendant is released from jail. With this type of Protective Order issued, the victim then has an opportunity to seek additional Protective Orders, one of which is discussed below, while the Magistrate’s Order is in effect; thus, providing the victim with some immediate protection.

Temporary Ex Parte Protective Order (issued by District Courts & some County Courts)

A victim may file an application seeking this type of order. This is usually done by an attorney retained by the victim, or by the local District Attorney’s Office. Unlike the emergency order discussed above, this order does not require that an arrest has been made.

The Application for Temporary Ex Parte Protective Order is sworn to (like an affidavit of fact), filed with the appropriate clerk, and then presented in person or by attorney to the Judge presiding over the court in which the application pends. Then, “If the court finds from the information contained in an application for a protective order that there is a clear and present danger of family violence, the court, without further notice to the individual alleged to have committed family violence and without a hearing, may enter a Temporary Ex Parte order for the protection of the applicant or any other member of the family or household of the applicant.” TFC sec. 83.001. That order “may direct a respondent to do or refrain from doing specified acts.” Ibid.

This type of order may, in certain circumstances, provide for the removal of the target from a residence. This order is good for only twenty (20) days, although it might be extended once for a period of time not to exceed twenty additional days. It is intended to offer protection to the applicant until an adversarial hearing can be had by the court during that twenty-day period of time. The adversarial hearing is one in which the target of the Temporary Ex Parte Protective Order is given proper notice of the hearing, and is allowed to oppose the entry of a longer Protective Order, by testifying, calling witnesses, and entering other evidence and argument. This hearing will be discussed in Part 2 of this subject, in a later blog post.

For too long, the plague of Family Violence has not been properly addressed by society. It is now treated by law enforcement and our judicial system as the criminal behavior that it truly is. As more victims come forward for protection and justice, this trend should continue. The days of remaining silent to this scourge are gone.

How to Get Your Kids Back From CPS

Jan 23, 2017 | Child Protective Services, Family Law

So, CPS has removed your children from your home: is there any chance that you can get them back? The short answer to that question is “yes.” To start with, CPS is only authorized by law (Chapter 262 of the Texas Family Code) to remove children from their home when facts exist that would “satisfy a person of ordinary prudence and caution to believe that there is an immediate danger to the physical health or safety of the child, or the child has been a victim of neglect or sexual abuse, and that continuation in the home would be contrary to the child’s welfare.

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If CPS makes that removal, and you disagree with their decision to do so, then you have the right to have a hearing in court (called an “Adversary Hearing”), no later than fourteen (14) days after that removal of your children occurred. And, during that proceeding, you or your lawyer has the right to cross-examine the witnesses called to testify by CPS, testify yourself, and present your own witnesses and other evidence to a Judge. At the end of that hearing, you will get your kids back unless CPS can convince the court that your children were in danger when the removal occurred; and, that they should not be immediately returned to your home. For a more detailed discussion of these topics, see “When can Texas CPS remove a child from your home?”

If you find yourself https://heimanlawfirm.com/blog/item/43-when-can-texas-cps-remove-a-child-from-your-homein the position of having your kids removed by CPS, then I truly hope the court finds that your kids should be returned to you after the hearing discussed above takes place. But, all is not lost even if your kids are not returned at that time. The court can Order their return at any time during the case.

When do courts Order that children who were removed from their home by CPS be returned to their parents? They do so when the parents of those children have demonstrated that they are able and willing to provide their children with a safe home. That means different things in different cases. For some parents, it means their staying clean and sober so that they can properly attend to their children. For others, it means eliminating the threat of domestic violence by attending and meaningfully participating in appropriate counseling. For some folks, it means becoming able to provide their children with the basic necessities of life, such as food, water, safe shelter, clothing, and so on. In each case where the initial removal is upheld by the court (as discussed above), the court will Order specific things that the parents will need to do in order to have their children returned to them.

Those things that parents must do are spelled-out clearly, but they are not usually easy for parents to do, since it involves their making one or more serious changes in how they live their lives. But, since the reward for doing those things is having their children returned to them, what reasonable parent would not try his or her hardest to do them?

Do you wonder what you should do if CPS is investigating you? Check-out this article for tips and suggestions.

When can Texas CPS remove a child from your home?

Oct 23, 2016 | Child Protective Services, Child Custody, Family Law

Texas law (the Texas Family Code) provides that CPS shall investigate reports that a child has been abused or neglected. Those reports are typically made through either a phone call, or online ( ph. 1-800-252-5400 or www.txabusehotline.org).

The law goes on to state that the investigation shall be “prompt and thorough,” and may require the assistance of local law enforcement. And when that investigation reveals an “immediate danger” to the welfare of the child, then CPS may remove the child from his or her home, either with or without first obtaining a court order, depending on whether “there is …time” “consistent with the health and safety of (the) child” to first obtain a court order (such as a temporary restraining order).

The law provides that CPS could first file a lawsuit, serve the parents with those lawsuit papers, and set a hearing, all prior to removing a child. But, in my experience, that rarely happens. Instead, CPS does not typically initiate a case until and unless they determine that the situation is, in their opinion, so bad at the child’s home, that CPS needs to remove the child from that home. And, by that time, the CPS personnel involved in making that determination usually will decide that the need for removal is imminent.

In whichever way CPS removes a child from his or her parent, the court must have an “Adversary Hearing” within fourteen (14) days of when the child was taken into custody by CPS, unless the child has already been returned to his or her home by then. At that hearing, the child’s parents will be allowed the opportunity to dispute the charges being made by CPS, to cross-examine the witnesses called to testify by CPS, and to present their own testimony and any other relevant evidence that they may have.

At the conclusion of that hearing, the court shall order the return of the child “…unless the court finds that: 1. the child was in danger; 2. the child’s remaining in the home is contrary to the welfare of the child; 3. the urgent need for protection required the immediate removal of the child; 4. reasonable efforts…were made to eliminate or prevent the child’s removal; and, 5. reasonable efforts have been made to enable the child to return home, but there is a substantial risk of a continuing danger if the child is returned home.” (see Texas Family Code section 262.201). In other words, the court is not going to return children to parents whom the court finds were not parenting them safely.

If the continued removal of the child is approved by the court, then the court will make further orders at that time regarding the parents and child. If, however, the continued removal is not approved of by the court, then the case terminates.

When CPS gets involved in a case, it can be quite serious, and that involvement can dominate a family’s life for a year or more. These situations should be taken as the important events that they are.

How to Avoid a Trial in Texas Family Court

Oct 23, 2014 | Family Law, Child Custody

Can you avoid a trial in a Family Law case? Most of us have seen movies and t.v. shows depicting contentious divorces or other Family Law cases. But is that the only way to resolve a disputed case of that type?

Thankfully, the answer is “no.” After more than two decades of “alternative dispute resolution” being encouraged by lawyers, the courts, and parties, it is now quite common to have even a contested case resolved without the contentiousness of a nasty court battle.

Of course, the court still must enter the required paperwork to give the resolution effect, but that can be done in a non-confrontational manner, after the parties have resolved their case.

So, what are these alternative dispute resolution procedures? Well, the simplest way to settle a case is just by talking and negotiating. Once the parties to a case have legal counsel to advise them on their options, and the likely outcomes if the case were to go to court, the parties can sometimes reach an agreement between themselves without any formal procedure being used. Of course, that is considerably more likely to occur if all parties are clean, sober, and mentally healthy. Narcissists and druggies are hard to have constructive conversations with.

Mediation
The first formal alternative dispute resolution which we will discuss today is mediation. Just like with the first method, the parties do communicate with one another and try to reach an agreement. Mediation is different, though, the communications are guided by a mediator—a person trained in helping the parties find middle ground in a case. Naturally, an attorney who has extensive experience trying divorces and other Family Law cases in the area where the case is pending can offer the parties a better, more in-depth analysis as to what the true middle ground in a particular case is.

Mediations usually occur after the parties have filed their lawsuit, gone through whatever preliminary actions are needed in court (such as seeking “Temporary Orders” covering things like child support, child possession, use of the residence during the divorce, and related matters), and have conducted “discovery,” such as exchanging relevant documents, and stating their individual legal contentions. Mediations typically last a full-day, and resolutions occur most of the time—it seems that the success percentage rates vary from one geographic area to another, but all reports are that a majority of mediated cases settle in all areas of the U.S.

Mediation has other advantages over trial: according to a 12-year report in The Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology (2001, Vol. 69, No.2, 323-332), when mediation is used to resolve child custody disputes, the parent not living primarily with the children stayed more involved with their children, even twelve years after the mediation occurred. Not only were they involved in making decisions for their children, but they also spent significantly more time with them than the similarly-situated parents who took their cases to a contested trial. Mediation is a good thing.

Collaborative Law
Collaborative Law cases are much different from litigated cases. Parties and their lawyers who choose to use Collaborative Law first tell the court (in a formal filing with the court) that they are choosing to use Collaborative Law, and that they commit that they will:

respectfully, honestly, and constructively communicate with each other with the goal of efficiently and economically settling the terms of the dissolution of the marriage
not make accusations or claims not based in fact
disclose all relevant information to one another, whether requested or not.
We agree that settlement meetings will be focused on economic, and possibly parenting, issues and the constructive resolution of those issues.
not to engage in unnecessary discussions of past events, especially blaming or criticizing discussions

Once that filing is made, the case proceeds much differently from a typical, litigated case.

Rather than filing motion with the court, conducting formal discovery, and having contested hearings in court, the parties and their legal counsel, instead, meet with one another to discuss “interests” rather than legal “rights.” Before each meeting, the parties agree to specific “homework” that they will do before the next meeting, such as having a formal appraisal done of the marital residence, meeting with teachers to assess the impact that a recent move has had a child’s school performance, gathering and sharing requested documents, or meeting with an agreed-upon “neutral,” such as a financial planner or CPA, a child counselor, or “coaches” who help the parties effectively work towards resolution.

Collaborative Law works when the parties are committed to resolving the process honorably and fairly, without any more fighting with one another. For obvious reasons, High Conflict People, such as Narcissists or people who have an Antisocial Personality Disorder (such as Psychopathy or Sociopathy), are not good candidates for Collaborative Law, and neither are people who are active drug abusers or practicing alcoholics.

Arbitration
Although arbitration is used more and more in commercial disputes, it is not as commonly used in Family Law cases—at least not in Texas.

With arbitration, the parties select an arbitrator, i.e. the person who will substitute for a Judge in the case. They also lay the ground rules about what discovery will occur, the time limits of the case, and even whether evidence which would not be admissible in a normal trial, will be allowed to be presented to the arbitrator.

The arbitrator runs the case, rules on any disputed pretrial matters, hears the evidence and argument, and issues a decision, similar to what a Judge would do at a formal trial.

The advantages to arbitration begin with choosing the arbitrator who will preside—rarely can the parties to a traditional case choose their Judge. Advantages also include efficiency, such as emailing documents to the arbitrator and having hearings occur on the telephone rather than in person, the ability to choose as much or as little time as desired for the case and trial to take. And the ability of the parties can agree to recess a hearing without having to convince the Judge presiding over a crowded docket to “continue” the case.

Today, we discussed three alternative dispute resolution procedures used in divorce or other contested Family Law cases. There are also hybrids of these procedures and new ones being developed as people continue to try to resolve these very personal disputes in a manner more civilized than outright war.